Author: Santou

Leaving Your Legacy

Supporting Yourself While Supporting Grievers

Divorce Discussions Podcast: Managing Grief During and After Divorce

add summary paragraph using AI with bullet points (and add timestamp and chapter) (put lead magnet here (create a form in my CRM) Here is a transcript of our chat: 0:03 hello and welcome to another divorce 0:06 discussions conversation and I am really 0:09 happy to introduce Santou Eve Carter she is the founder of grief support services Global and she has over 25 years 0:18 experience as a psychotherapist 0:21 specializing in trauma and grief she’s 0:24 also a Hospice chaplain and motivational 0:26 speaker and currently Sanu works with 0:30 therapist coaches and directly with 0:31 families to help them manage um grief 0:35 situations through divorce death and 0:38 other kinds of losses in life so Sanu 0:41 welcome thank you so much for being here 0:43 thank you thank you for inviting me 0:45 Marty and so I always like to start out 0:47 this question because um you know you 0:49 and I are both in areas of work where a 0:52 lot of people don’t want to go so what 0:55 what brought you to this area and why is 0:58 this kind of your passionate 1:01 interest yeah so um it’s an unusual 1:05 route um so I’m a a second generation 1:08 genocide Survivor and that 1:10 transgenerational trauma over the years 1:13 has really fragmented my family and 1:17 ironically one of the things I remember 1:19 my father saying was family needs to 1:21 stick together and that’s a kind of 1:23 Mantra that most people live with right 1:24 until they find themselves in a 1:26 situation where the family’s breaking 1:27 apart and so I really felt to study um 1:31 systemic family therapy and to really 1:34 help families find ways um to 1:38 communicate better to have Harmony um to 1:42 work through traumas that might be 1:44 affecting a spouse that they hadn’t 1:46 worked through before and it’s affecting 1:48 things badly so I I hold a strong sense 1:51 of hope for people um either before the 1:55 divorce or even after the divorce like 1:57 sometimes divorce is necessary if 1:59 there’s physical abuse for example or 2:01 you know other kinds of abuse and uh 2:03 it’s not being worked through I mean it 2:05 can be worked through but if it if it 2:07 you know if both people aren’t willing 2:09 to work through it right then sometimes 2:11 it’s necessary and so I I help rebuild 2:14 people to be able to live fully again 2:17 and to love again oh I love that that is 2:19 such a positive message and so I’ve run 2:22 into just full disclosure because the 2:24 internet is a small place we seem to be 2:27 running into each other at a lot of 2:28 different events and I always think to 2:30 myself if that is happening there is a 2:32 reason for that and so um I I I totally 2:37 understand your your your passion around 2:39 this what do you think people need to 2:42 understand about grief that they don’t 2:44 get 2:46 now do you mean grief from divorce in 2:48 particular or let’s go any kind of grief 2:51 because I I really think as a person 2:53 who’s been divorced and has lost a 2:55 husband and both of their parents and 2:57 almost all of their family relatives um 3:00 you know I don’t necessarily see that 3:02 there’s a huge dis I don’t delineate one 3:05 grief from so let’s just say loss let’s 3:08 maybe say loss there’s a lot of 3:10 misconceptions about loss out there what 3:12 do you think are some of the big ones 3:14 that really negatively impact how people 3:16 are handling 3:18 this yeah well I think one of the things 3:20 I want to mention is the sense of 3:23 recovery time um I I don’t like the word 3:27 recovery um but if we’re thinking about 3:30 it as a bounceback time what different 3:33 people use different terms right so this 3:35 sense of time frame about a loss um 3:39 varies from person to person but what I 3:41 don’t think Society really understands 3:43 is how long it can take to um work 3:47 through the loss and that’s because no 3:51 one really understands the the type of 3:54 relationship that you or someone would 3:56 have had with the person that they’ve 3:58 lost we’ll say lost to mean all types of 4:01 loss right um 4:04 so and if it’s a conflictual 4:07 relationship if things didn’t get worked 4:09 out or resolved or things weren’t 4:11 forgiven before someone died or you know 4:14 they they lost some um it can actually 4:17 complicate grief even more and make it 4:19 even more difficult and so for someone 4:22 to say aren’t you over it yet is 4:24 completely 4:25 insensitive because they don’t know 4:28 what’s going on inside the person and 4:31 all that they have to work through in 4:33 order to find a sense of Peace about you 4:37 know the their loss yeah I think that’s 4:39 a really good point and I see that all 4:41 the time especially um you know and I’m 4:45 going to talk about divorce now but you 4:47 know people say well you wanted the 4:48 divorce you filed for it so now why is 4:50 it still bothering you a year later like 4:52 this is what you wanted isn’t it and 4:53 they’re almost like combative when they 4:55 say that to people yes yes yes and in 4:59 fact I’ve got a resource for your 5:00 audience that talks about that 5:02 specifically so it talks about um all 5:06 the nuanced emotions that someone might 5:08 feel even if they wanted it and I think 5:10

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